EXTENDED FOREPLAY

This kind of “lovemaking” then becomes like an extended foreplay both know will end in lovemaking some time in the near future.

If you run your intimate life in this way, lovemaking takes on a rather different level of importance. It is now no longer the be-all and end-all of the intimacies you share. This means that you will cope better with the ups and downs of your sexual appetites and, mutually attuned, detect sexual interest early and know how to act on it. Then, when you do have intercourse it is much more meaningful because it takes place against a background of loving interest in one another.

Not only are inequalities and variations in sexual appetite better coped with, but the occasional failure, rather than becoming a disaster, is kept in perspective because it is understood that the relationship has far more going for it than whether or not genital contact is always good.

SECRETS

Lovers of longstanding sometimes find they communicate without words; they seem to know what the other is thinking and feeling. Shared secrets help to make this a secret society. The woman may whisper to her man while they are on the dance floor, that she’s wearing his favourite underwear, for example. “Accidentally” touching your lover’s body in a certain place or in a particular way can have a devastating effect. Some couples can achieve the same impact with just a look.

.Many couples have a private language, that they use even in front of others, as they tell one another about their feelings, arousal, or their anticipation of erotic things to come, which all add to the excitement. All of this makes such a couple much less likely to suffer from jealousies because they flirt with each other and look to one another to answer their needs. They do not then see members of the opposite sex as threatening because they know that what they have between them is vastly more valuable than anything a quickie relationship could offer.

If all of this seems nothing more than a fantasy to you, there are ways of improving things: Start of by going back to courtship behavior; many couples have never really courted – taking every opportunity to show love in different ways. Give one another presents for no reason. They don’t have to be expensive; it’s the thought that matters; kiss more; telephone to say, “I love you.” Leave love-notes around where they’ll be found by your lover; go out with one another as if it were your first date as teenagers. Really try to please one another as if you were just starting to date. You may be surprised how much you’ve taken each other for granted over the years and how stale the caring and love for one another has become.

It is helpful in any loving relationship to remember to bear in mind the airline motto “we never forget you have a choice”. There are many couples that let things slip, perhaps year after year, becoming more and more lazy and thoughtless only to find when they go back to courtship they’ve all but forgotten how to deal with one another in this way. As with so many things in life practice makes perfect and over the weeks you’ll become more proficient at courting one another. With luck and effort, the combination of making courtship a priority, and your increased experiences of life, will reap you a far richer harvest than would have been possible when you were first going out at the beginning of your relationship.

SENSUAL HOLIDAYS

One of the most fruitful ways of making all this happen is to organise sensual holidays. A sensual holiday can last from an evening to a weekend. The main purpose is to get away from your normal day-to-day routine both in and out of bed and to really court one another.

You can prepare for the holiday beforehand to get best out of it. Ideas include: the uses of herbal aphrodisiacs such as ginseng, yohimbe; breakfast in bed; one sensual massage; lovemaking in an unusual place; a novel type or position of lovemaking you know your lover would like; or an evening devoted to your lover’s every whim. Each couple will have their own ideas as to what suits them, or they’ve always wanted to do.

Send your tokens some days before the holiday so your lover has time to prepare (if necessary). This also helps build up excited anticipation for the holiday. Remember, none of this need be expensive – the whole thing can take place at home with perhaps a special dinner or outing just for the two of you. Whatever you do and wherever you do it, the main thing is to give yourselves over to one another totally and to aim to do things that please and delight. Talk about it afterwards to see what worked well and what didn’t. It’s best to take it in turns to arrange such holidays so each lover has the opportunity to call the shots and decide what they want.

MASSAGE

Sensual massage is a wonderful way of lovemaking without intercourse. This form of loving contact is often underestimated. There are few things a couple can experience together that allow them to be more in touch with themselves, and to communicate at every level than a loving, sensual massage. Whether or not this becomes an erotic massage is up to you, but even if one does lead to the other you still don’t have to end up having intercourse – you could stimulate each other or simply cuddle and kiss.

Check out the article on the different types of massage here.

FULL BODY ALERT

Sight, sound, smell and taste are powerful aphrodisiacs – exploit them to the full. Right from babyhood most of us use fewer of our senses than we might. In learning to please one another without intercourse it can be helpful to look at how each sense could be better used to serve lovemaking. Here are some ideas:

THE POWER OF AROMA

Use perfume, perfumed soaps, scented oils for massage, burning joss sticks, flowers, room perfumes, and anything else (not all at once!) that helps enhance your sense of smell. Remember, if you perfume yourself too heavily you’ll mask the natural odours that are such a turn-on for your lover. Make sure you are clean and washed but not so squeaky clean your natural smells are obliterated. Learn, perhaps for the first time, how each part of your lover’s body smells.

SOUND EFFECTS

The lover’s sound can be delicious as you make love. The little groans, sighs and moans that say “I love you” are all valuable cues to how things are going. With the lights off, learn to recognise how your lover’s sexual arousal cycle is progressing just by sound alone. Take a delight in the sounds of your bodies reacting with each other. Use beautiful music to accompany lovemaking.

ACQUIRING THE TASTE

Get to know how your lover tastes by licking all over. Taste mouths, faces, sweat, genital secretions and so on. This is intimately tied up with the smelling exercise since taste and smell are so closely interlinked. Experiment with all kinds of tactile sensations using not only your bodies, but also foods, clothing, vibrators and so on.

Abridged from Tantra Magazine. For more information on how to become a better lover, visit LoveCentria.

Massage can also be part of lovemaking in the shape of erotic massage or Tantra massage. Erotic massages are highly intimate experiences designed to heighten pleasure and prolong the sexual act by relaxing and arousing the body at the same time. There are many types of massages, depending on the geographical area where they have been developed and on the purpose of their developers. The basic rub has evolved over the centuries into a complex system of specialized approaches designed to serve various purposes.

The most common form of massage is called the sports massage, although this is more of an umbrella term for several techniques and styles aimed at increasing physical performance, particularly among athletes. Sports massage includes the deep muscle massage, which is meant to restore circulation and help the healing process in muscles, the muscle energy technique, orthopedic massage soft tissue therapy and myofascial release. All these techniques are designed to prevent injuries, speed up the recovery process and keep the body as flexible as possible.

Swedish massage is another popular type of massage. This style focuses on long, flowing and vigorous strokes designed to energize and relax the body by promoting the flow of blood. The six basic stroke types use in Swedish massage make use of friction, rolling, kneading, percussion, compression and vibration to achieve this purpose. The style was traced back to Pehr Ling, a Swedish fencing master, who is said to have devised the basic principles in the early decades of the 19th century.

Seated massage is another style that has gained popularity in recent times. It focuses on the use of a special chair that lets the back and arms exposed, while the rest of the body is in a comfortable position. The main purpose of this style is to relieve the stiffness that develops in the back, shoulder and neck muscles. The fact that it does not involve a large massage surface has made it very popular among corporate clients who like to enjoy massage at the office.

Reiki is a massage style developed in ancient times in Tibet. Just like its close relative, the Tantric massage, Reiki involves the visualization of chakras in order to spread the healing energy from the base of the spine to the entire body. Both Reiki and Tantra practitioners learn to use soft, gentle touches and strokes that are not aimed at working the muscles, but simply at letting the body “massage” itself by promoting the flow of energy. Both are popular among the New Age movement.

Shiatsu is a Japanese technique that combines the principles of massage and acupuncture into a single approach. Its basic principle is to achieve a balance between the Yin and Yang energies in the body in order to keep it healthy and fit. Shiatsu practitioners believe that Ki energy is moving through the body along certain paths, which are called meridians. The thumbs, fingers and palms are used to apply pressure to certain parts of the body with the purpose of balancing the flow of energy.

Sensual massage is a form of massage that involves full nudity, a sensual environment designed to heighten the senses and, of course, the practice of massaging the genitals. This type of massage is usually something shared by lovers or offered by professional sex workers and it ends in either full blown sex or simply an orgasm for the receiver. Sensual massage can be combined with aromatherapy by including essential oils into the regular massage style. Essential oils are said to help relaxation, healing or arousal and also promote a good mood.

Did I say AMAZING IN BED???

Frankly, if you’re doubting yourself then you have a big problem. Whether you’re actually bad in bed or just low on confidence, I can’t say. This is up to you to find out, while I’m just doing some explaining for your convenience. The root of the problem lies in the very simple fact that it takes a lot of experience to know if a woman has an orgasm or if she’s faking it. And even experienced men can’t always tell if the woman’s faking it or not. Bottom line: you can never be sure that your performance is top quality.

And that’s even before we take into account slip ups and “that time” when you were too tired or too stressed or you had too much to drink and, well, you know what happened. Unfortunately, these things can erode a man’s peace of mind and confidence and make him suspicious of his lady’s behavior, even if he shouldn’t be. Some times are good and some times are bad and there’s little you can do about it. Loosing confidence in yourself and throwing good self-esteem out the window just because of a slip up is not the way to deal with this.

Okay then, put all the blame to stress. Stress is one of the great “sex killers” nowadays because no man can truly enjoy himself if he keeps thinking about deadlines, bosses, nasty co-workers or credit card debt. We do live in a stressful world and the modern fashion that surrounds a man with dozens of machines in order to allow him to work harder and harder everyday is doing it’s best to ruin sex around the world. I’m sure that many men who have to resort to Viagra would do better to try and relax a little and take things easier.

Aside from its direct impact on performance, stress has some side effects that are just as bad. Some men take to drinking because of it. It always starts small, since going out with the guys is fun and, hey, we’re just having a few beers. Before you know it the number of beers grows and the “evenings out” turn into “nights out”. Small wonder that a stressed man with a significant quantity of alcohol in his body is not performing in bed as usual. Men need to recognize the early signs of stress in their lives and take control of the situation.

Remember that once you’ve started asking questions about your performance you could easily slide into a pattern where low self esteem triggers a failure, which, in turn, sends self esteem even lower and so on. Try to be a bit more positive about things. You were probably tired or stressed. Or you may need to learn some new positions and break the bedroom routine a bit. If you are keen to get sex right then you need Lovecentria™. Lovecentria™ contains the very best in video, written and interactive sexual advice to ensure that bedroom faux pas are a thing of the past. For more information please visit www.lovecentria.com and surprise her with a new trick or a fantasy and be the world’s greatest love machine.